Jan 15, 2012

The Truth About Single Black Women!

I was perusing the web recently searching for statistics and articles about women like me--black, educated, single mothers.  My search was not successful because apparently to the rest of the world, these characteristics are not nomenclature for black women.  I did however find mountains of statistics for black, uneducated, single mothers in poverty and educated, childless black women who can't snag a man. 

Does this anger me?  No, because my world consists of the life I live, love and manage and trust me, it consumes my days and nights so I have very little time to devote to being angry at news articles and stats.  What did tick me a little bit were the comments I read accompanying such articles, which were published by major media outlets such as CNN, MSNBC, New York Times, New York Daily News and the Huffington Post.  Perception is not reality, just opinion, if you know nothing about the reality of something.  Here are the realities that I know about black women:

  • All black women who are single are not desperately seeking marriage.  Considering the current divorce rate and the number of girlfriends we've had to provide a shoulder to because of a failing marriage, many single black women have redefined how we want our story to end and for some, marriage is not a chapter in the book and we are okay with it.
  • The single mothers I know who are black are not living in poverty.  Even before I was a mother and had reached my highest level of education, the single mothers I encountered were employed, homeowners and some were investing in private educations for their kids.  Basically, MAKING IT HAPPEN!
  • Black men need to understand when you date a black woman who has been REQUIRED to do EVERYTHING on her own, your presence is not going to automatically be met with damsel in distress qualities.  Don't let it be a turn off, step up your game and go to the next level of manliness.
  • Married black women, you are the new oddity so watch yourself because the world is now watching you, not us.

I would be insincere to not admit that I've overused my single mother status as an excuse for many things-- some plausible, some not.  I'm getting better, as my child gets older, at overcoming feeling different because of my parental status.  My desire now is to simply set the tone for our lifestyle and enjoy it.  Period.com!

Disclaimer:  I have not given up on the idea of being married.  BOOM!
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